Step one: Open discussion
Both parties must take time out to discuss their current emotions. Each individual should be allowed time to state their point of view without interruption. If you fear your partner would not have an open discussion about his or her emotions, write a heartfelt letter. In the letter, discuss your positive emotions towards your partner. Avoid pointing out negative things he or she does that increase your negative feelings. Provide insight that you may have unstable emotions and would like to seek comfort from your partner. This will increase the opportunity to have an open discussion.
Step two: Be honest
Communicate your true feelings and experiences that are causing you to feel insecure. Usually people would tell you not to communicate your feelings because manipulation and mystery keeps the relationship going. However, when playing a game, one person will be the loser.
Step three: Avoid having a one sided view
When your open discussion arise, leave out the words ‘you, you, you’ as this would end the conversation on the partner’s behalf. He or she will feel accused. It is likely the open discussion will transition to an argument where both parties begin to play offense/ defense. Instead, show empathy that you are also considering your partner’s needs, wants, and perceptions during the relationship. This will increase his or her need to provide feedback about the relationship.
Step four: Clarity
In your discussion, ensure that your words are perceived by your partner, in the way you mean them. Paraphrase. Say it in a different way to assist your partner to understand your viewpoint. Use this technique to also understand what your partner is communicating.
Step five: Maintain positive thoughts
If you downplay the discussion prior to it occurring, you have already created a negative circumstance. Thoughts can manifest outcomes. Instead, entertain the thought that you and your partner will participate in a positive discussion. Entertain the thought both parties will end the discussion with insight that will create a healthier future together.