For the average kid, it’s good. That’s the main thing about the fair. Good is: the gondolas that ride you around cardboard alps and then again, but backwards. (The announcement said “keep in your hands and feets”)
Good is: a haunted house: first you are moved towards a black cloth that hits you on the forehead. Surprise! You don’t think about the sanitary conditions for more than a minute. Then the gondola of death takes you through about a minute’s worth of things shouting at you suddenly in the dark. Surprise! Surprise! Then you’re out in the sun and on your feet again.
Good is: getting ferried up in the air by a metal claw with a hinge that, once you’re up there, kind of flings you and your temporary friends out into the open: that’s crazy good. Unless you have vertigo, unless you’re a wimp.
These things are good. So say the children.
I’m a wimp, but it doesn’t matter. There are other things to do, like milk a goat. For a dollar, you can squeeze the hairy nipples of a standing goat until a wee stream shoots out. For the littler kids there are educational shows plus contests like spit the watermelon seed. There were kids under five spitting seeds for fun, all in a row. You could also learn about fire safety and what to do if you are on a boat in a storm and the mast starts glowing (“take shelter”). You can have your kid tested to see how probable it will be that he or she gets diabetes.
Finally, you are invited to find your car in the parking lot. It’s good exercise! For part of the way there are men on tractors or with work horses that pull open trolleys for you to ride in, but you really have to have been paying attention when you first arrived. For the some of the kids, it was obvious that this part in the parking lot was the absolute best. And it’s free!
For more information: http://www.4hfair.org/
The fair ends tomorrow!