For those who struggle to find a satisfying relationship, the source of your problem typically lies in how high you have set your expectations in a partner. How do you prevent yourself from being the biggest obstacle to finding happiness with another without settling for less than you deserve? Evaluate your scoreboard for the perfect partner before your next date by filling it in with these suggestions.
Determining how important looks are should be based on two things. The first, what level of attraction is there? And secondly, where does chemistry come in to play? Find a few notable features of your date, and then remind yourself that chemistry often evolves beyond looks. Personality determines a date’s potentiality as a partner based on behavior and beliefs. Do this person’s core values align with your own? How does your date act towards you, and can you anticipate the way this person will treat you during the course of a relationship? Most importantly, when can you fairly determine the answer to these questions during the course of getting to know someone?
Remind yourself you are under evaluation by your date as well. This person owes nothing to you. You have no guarantee you will receive a follow-up date or even a phone call until you place high on his or her scoreboard. Rather than tallying up points to secure a relationship, examine what you have to offer. Dennis Lowe, PhD, psychologist and the founding director of the Center of the Family at Pepperdine University, states: “When you think of the traditional marriage vows when people are pledging to honor and cherish, they talk a lot about what they are going to give to the relationship. Today, when people talk about a relationship they often talk in consumer terms—like ‘what am I going to get out of this?’ and ‘what are you going to do for me?’” (Bouchez, 2005-2011.)
Focusing on only what your date has to offer already makes any future relationship unbalanced. By thinking on what you are willing to give, you can accurately resolve what to reasonably expect from a partner. At the same time, be sure to stick to your boundaries. Give no more than what you are comfortable with offering. For example, if you are not ready to be intimate yet, then don’t be or you will likely end up resentful.
To truly approach a potential suitor with an open mind, you must first rate yourself as a partner. The things you are willing to offer another are qualities that you should also come to expect from this person. You can keep your dating life in the realm of reality and keep your sense of entitlement by remembering to do so.
Bouchez, C. (2005-2011). Setting good expectations. Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/dating-tips-set-expectation