I do not have a lot to say about ‘Smurfs 3D.’ First off, a man in his thirties sitting by himself through this movie just looks weird. I wanted to lighten the mood a bit as the parents eye-balled me. Maybe stand up and say, ‘In accordance with Megan’s Law I am obliged to inform you…’ but I figured that would not go over all that well. ‘Smurfs 3D’ is one of these half live action, half cartoon type movies geared toward kids. Please, for the sake of the children, stay away from this movie.
Honestly, I daydreamed throughout much of this movie. One of the movie posters for this film had a Smurf on it and the tagline read, ‘Say hello to our little friend.’ It made me think how much I wished Tony Montana would have shown up in the film and shot all the Smurfs. How does anyone find them adorable? If you were sitting in your living room and a Smurf scampered across the floor, my guess is that you would smack it with a newspaper and call an exterminator.
I have nothing to say about the plot because I did not pay attention and I walked out. It does take place in New York, so if you’ve never been go to Union Station and buy a ticket. They also use the word ‘Smurf’ an awful lot. It is what they are, but it also describes moods and objects. It’s kind of like a proper noun, common noun, adjective and verb all rolled into one. I would like to explore that for a minute.
If I have the people responsible for making this movie in a room, I would bend them over a chair and Smurf them right in the Smurf. Then I would Smurf their girlfriends’ mouths. I would take my 3D glasses, dip them in my popcorn butter, and repeatedly Smurf then right between the Smurf of everyone in the room. I would tell them all to Smurf off, and threaten that if they ever make a movie again, I would cut off their Smurfs.
You know, that last paragraph is only as dirty as you made it in your mind, so don’t blame me. That’s it for this movie, now playing at Regal Gallery Place in Chinatown. I really do not see how anyone, child or adult, could enjoy this.