I know what you might be thinking, another addiction article. I have written a couple of articles that touch on alcohol or drug addiction. In this one let’s discuss sexual addiction. I would have to guess that 60 to 70 percent of the clients I see on chemical addiction really suffer from a possible cross addiction. I’m going to share some points of view as well as some educated information from Dr. Weiss. I have been asked by some clients where is it that they can find groups other than AA or NA that will help with specific addiction. Truth of the matter is, there is no specific self help group for this issue here in Wichita Falls. Several of the people I encounter through work or our ministry has stated that this is or could easily become a serious issue for them. The reason I feel the 60 to 70 percent is pretty close is because about that many, married or not, are reported either having multiple sex partners despite the desire to not.
Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often cannot stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior,fantasyor they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.
This is different for every sex addict but generally speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons.The following is a short explanation of each reason why someone can become a sex addict. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that provides these chemicals to their brain.
Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical, emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance; the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their spirituality; it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present.
Then there is the sex addict who can be two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for recovery with sex addiction. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex.It’s not about a fix for something; when their partner says “NO” it doesn’t make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way.
If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue. I think one key point I want to make right here is if read closely some of the thinking and behaviors are a lot like substance addiction. The partners/wives of sex addicts report many similar feelings about living with the sex addict.
The feeling of aloneness is a common experience with partners of sex addicts, the sense that he can’t open up and tell you about his “real” self. The confusion of even after you do certain behaviors that this still is not enough and the hopelessness that there isn’t enough.
Anger for many different unmet needs as a person and as a woman is often common. Can women be sex addicted?Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs.
Over twenty recovering female sex addicts contributed in writing She Has a Secret: Understanding Female Sexual Addiction. This book plus the Secret Solutions Workbook, with over 115 helpful techniques for recovery is just for her. I do feel we need specific self help groups for this hear in Wichita Falls but until then utilize what groups there are, the 12 steps can provide some help and guidance. Just a suggestion, take a more spiritual approach and try a Celebrate Recovery meeting.