When do husbands, who are considered very responsible about house chores, find time for interpersonal commitment? The focus husbands place on house chores may take away from contributing to personal relationships. That may not be true for all attachment styles.
In the 2011 issue of the journal “Personal Relationships” published on line, C. Y. Tang presented the analysis on the national survey of families and households of 3,428 couples. The data reveals that the husbands who are more personally committed:
- do less housework when compared to the wives
Contrary to this, men who are more morally committed than their wives:
- commit themselves to more housework
The attachment style can also influence care-giving, perhaps housework, among romantic, casual and long term partners. Passionate and compassionate lovers may differ in their care for the house, lover’s nest, versus that of care for the interpersonal relationship. Care for the lover’s nest is an externalizing factor. Care for the relationship combines externalizing and internalizing factors.
The care that is extended in secure attachments may be, but avoidant and dismissive attachment style may not be, related to compassionate love. Susan Sprecher and Beverley Fehr reported their research findings in the June 2011 issue of the “Journal of Social and Personal Relationships”. They showed that avoidance attachments that are formed based on, what may be considered, external contingencies in the relationship did not contribute positively to compassionate love. Does housework, that involves externalizing factors, reduce the strength of compassionate love then?
Based on the findings, external, environmentally controlled, avoidance style can mediate internally driven attachment avoidance and internal-externally driven compassionate love. The compassionate love in long term, or serious relationships, may not be under the control of external factors as much as for those in short term, or casual relationships. For them, external factors could trigger separation anxieties. Can housework trigger anxiety in those who are in casual relationships or newly formed relationships but not in those in long term committed relationships?
In counseling couples can gain insight into their attachment styles, passionate and compassionate love, moral and personal commitments, internalizing and externalizing patterns, and tendencies for being organized, unorganized, or doing or neglecting the housework.