With Hurricane Irene fast approaching the East Coast, everyone’s getting a lot of advice – but is it enough? News reports suggest simple precautions like buying bottled water and flashlights, and yet describe cities reduced to post-apocalyptic wastelands in the same segment. But the noble sci-fi fan is nothing if not familiar with a post-apocalyptic wasteland! As society crumbles around us (or, you know, the lights go off for a few hours or whatever), get ready for the new world order sci-fi-and-fantasy style with a few simple tips.
- Control resources
Take your cue from Sawyer from Lost and stock up on the relics of your vanished society to barter with other survivors. As people become increasingly desperate for your precious stores, they will become increasingly willing to allow you to give them adorable nicknames
- Choose your leaders wisely
As the rag-tag remnants of humanity try to rebuild their infrastructure, there are going to be some questions about who should lead the way to the dawning of a new era. If Battlestar Galactica has taught us anything, it’s that the person with the craggiest face should always be in charge and give the inspiring speeches because their crags are full of wisdom. Doubters, consider the following: how baby-smooth was Baltar’s face? Very. I don’t have to remind you of the debacle on New Caprica, do I? I rest my case.
- Never count out your friends
If this hurricane was on an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, here’s how it would go down: Buffy would announce that she has to go and try to slay the hurricane. “But that’s suicide!” Giles would exclaim, removing his glasses earnestly. She would grimly go face her doom anyway because a slayer works alone. However, Giles would research and find that the hurricane was sent by the dread demon Ireneaciii, Willow would summon it, and Xander would make fun of it until Buffy inevitably returned to slay it. As Angel and Spike brooded sensitively without shirts on in the corner, Buffy would realize that her friends would always be there for her. (Confidential to Joss Whedon: my spec script is in the mail.) So if your friends want you to have their extra batteries or whatever, don’t be all stoic, I guess is what I’m saying.
- Communication is key
Everybody’s worried about cell service going down or being unable to charge their phone. In the land of Westeros, however, people stay in touch as kingdoms crumble and wars break out by sending messages via raven. Think of it this way: no one in Game of Thrones ever has to worry about how many bars they have, and they are all essentially playing a constant high-stakes game of Angry Birds.
- Remember that the righteous underdog will prevail
So what if hurricanes are “big” and “terrifying” and “could flatten some buildings”? All of these descriptors can be applied to the Alliance government in Firefly, but after the fall of all the Browncoats know and love does the crew of the good ship Serenity ever give up? ([SPOILER] No, they do not). Does Malcolm Reynolds ever freak out about having enough granola bars? ([SPOILER] No, he does not). Remember that they can’t take the sky from you, even if it is unleashing torrents of precipitation and gale-force winds.
What are you doing to prepare for the storm? Do you think ravens might cut down on your night and weekend minutes? Should I quit blogging and write Buffy fanfiction instead? Tape up your windows, shove somebody in your way at the CVS, and let me know in the comments!