Iris, what is your opinion on butting in others peoples disputes? I and a date attended a concert at the Hollywood Bowl at the end of the concert we both notice a young man yanking and pulling on a young lady calling her out of her name, I say this because I am pretty sure her name was not Bitch. People walked by, watching but no one appeared concerned with helping the young lady who was obviously distraught and in tears. Because, I’m a man and was pretty embarrassed by the whole situation I attempted to walk toward the young man and calm him down. He placed his hand toward his pant belt as if to say step back I’m packin’.
My date pleaded with me not to get involved I stepped back and proceeded to look for security, police anyone, couldn’t find a soul. So I called 911. I do not know what happened because we left after I gave the description, location and etc… to the 911 operator. Of course, my date and I got into a heated discussion about domestic abuse, helping someone in an abusive relationship and etc… Her position was the young lady knew who she was with and it was best to stay out of it.
I was a little surprised! In my opinion she was pretty cold toward the victim in this situation, she didn’t agree with the action of the young man, but said the woman could have gotten away from him if she wanted too. What do you think?
Mr. Hollywood Bowl, you’ve presented a few topics for good discussion. Your main question getting involved in others disputes. First off it sounds like you witnessed a crime. Not just a dispute. If the young man was in a public place physically yanking, pulling and verbally attacking the young lady as you described and she was showing signs of fear evidenced by tears my position is find/contact the authorities and let them know a crime is taking place.
Now ,as far as disputes or verbal disagreements between two people in a public place unless actual abuse/crime, disturbance of the peace or the strong possibility the argument may escalate beyond a quarrel or difference of opinion how you involve yourself depends on your relationship with the people. Meaning do you personally try to calm the situation or should you call authorities.
Your other point helping people in an abusive relationship; unfortunately help is only received by the person wanting help. You, I, or anyone can make yourself available…the best thing for a victim in an abusive relationship who is not ready to depart the toxic relationship or doesn’t know they are in a toxic relationship is to keep the lines of communications open. Coming on strong—for example, with statements of you should leave— initially to victims whose self worth is diminished and tied into staying in the relationship are unable to see outside options from their relationship and will shy away from those they feel do not understand or judging them. Then there is the victimizer. He or she needs help too. Perhaps a good heart to heart with the victimizer (again depending on your relationship with the person) can cause them to seek help or at the very least recognize their actions are endangering all around. Sometimes a sane voice spoken into an insane moment can sterilize an otherwise over-excitable incident, as long as they are not packin’.
Finally remember I am answering the above question based on the information given, every situation is different. Always, use wisdom and when in doubt call the police. Too many lives are lost (men, women, boys and girls, infants and toddlers) because on-lookers do not want to get involved. When in public you are involved call the police better safe than sorry or seeing on the news an unfortunate murder could have been prevented if you had made a 911 call.
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