Dear bug-eyed liberal Texas news media editorial boards:
I realize you and I spend a lot of time making snarky comments about one another, and I think we both understand that it’s part of this business; the names you call me don’t offend me, for the most part, and when they do I know how to respond in multiple syllables.
But I’d like to ask for a temporary truce on something, because quite frankly, we small-government fiscal conservatives need your help.
We need y’all to lay off Rick Perry for a while, at least until the Republican nomination is announced — because if you don’t, he’ll wind up being the nominee, and that’s something neither you nor we want.
I realize y’all are sincere in your criticism of Slick Rick, and there’s even some of it we agree with. But the more y’all editorialize and do your best to crucify him with hit-piece news stories, the more solid his support gets. So lay off.
It’s kind of like going down to the Fifth Ward in Houston and trying to tell the locals there the truth about Sheila Jackson Lee: the more truth you tell, the more dead-set her brainless supporters become to defend her.
In Perry’s case, we’re talking about the evangelicals. You guys don’t consider them very smart to begin with and spend a lot of time insulting them — so naturally, anything you oppose, they’re in favor of. We fiscally-conservative types have to ally with them on a lot of issues, but we’re under no delusions that they support limited government or support an open society. It’s strictly a marriage of convenience
Like y’all, we’re very aware of Perry’s shortcomings and the ease with which he deflects responsibility. The evangelicals have forgotten about it since he started praying in public, but we very much remember who had this notion about making STD injections for little girls mandatory.
We remember who was the biggest supporter of the Trans-Texas Corridor to funnel illegal aliens, drugs, criminals, weapons and unsafe trucks through Texas with taxpayers’ dollars, built by a foreign company — and we remember how neatly he let the Texas Department of Transportation take the fall when Texans vowed to fight (literally) to stop the project.
But see, you guys are defeating the purpose when you attack him with snyde columns and witty rhetoric. You’re not convincing anyone that Perry is bad — because the two or three dozen people who read each of your papers are already bug-eyed communists. The only thing your comments are doing is energizing the evangelicals.
Left to their own devices, the Old Guard Republicans — who, like Perry, are interested only in power, not religion — would nominate Mitt Romney, because he’s the chosen son of the moneyed elitists. You’d actually like Mitt; he’s just like you, except he calls himself a Republican because that’s who wins elections. With Romney as the GOP nominee, the evangelicals (and us fiscal conservatives) would stay away from the polls, Obama would win re-election — and Texas would secede in a matter of days.
If you guys don’t let up, Perry will instead get the nomination and, as much as I hate to say it, he’ll squash Obama like Reagan beat Carter. Our allies will kneel at the altar of Big Government, the U.S. will go broke and Texans will go down with the ship, never realizing they’d given all the lifeboats to illegal aliens.
I know how much y’all leftist editorialists hated George W. Bush; believe me, he was no friend of ours, either. So please, take some advice from one of your own, the late, great and funny Molly Ivins: “Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”