Are you happy, Constantine? You got me. I’ll admit it; you made me believe you were in it for magical TV love on your hometown date. Until then, I think everyone in America (i.e. Bachelorette fans) were wondering just what the hell you were doing in the top four after having showed almost no interest in Ashley the entire time. But out there in Cummings, Georgia it seemed as though you genuinely had a good time, and perhaps weren’t just another one of Ashley’s bad decisions.
Oh, how wrong that was. More on that later.
This week our contestants moved to Fiji to the Namale Resort and Spa. Needless to say, the accommodations were insanely awesome.
SIDE NOTE: You can’t really fault these guys (Constantine, cough cough) for staying on the show even if they know their relationships aren’t going anywhere. Free trip to Fiji? Villas on the water? More TV exposure time + the chance for a little fantasy suite action? Saints, these men are not. Back to the show.
Before Rafael Nadal Clone/Mini-Constantine/Ben can go on the first date we get hit with a monster surprise as Ryan shows up out of the blue to resolve his feelings, as he feels there are “things unsaid” between he and Ashley. Um, Ryan? Remember when she eliminated you on a one-on-one date while you were blabbering about your eco-job? I think Ashley said everything she needed to say that day. Anyway, kudos to Ryan for making the trip for Ashley, and if not for her than at least to secure the spot to be the next Bachelor (sorry America). At this point it definitely looks as though we’ll be seeing more of him next season. (On a related note, it’s a shame Ames doesn’t have the right social skills for it. Amesy!)
The Ryan-Ashley meeting goes pretty much as anticipated, with Ashley being flattered but clearly not ecstatic over his appearance. It’s funny how Ashley is usually very bubbly, except when she is around Ryan. He is simply too bubbly to the point that it overwhelms her. He’s like a can of ice cold Coke. In small sips it’s refreshing and fantastic. But drink too much and it’ll give you brain freeze and burn the back of your throat.
To make a long story short, Ashley agrees to meet up with Ryan at a later time, then three days later says sayonara. Ryan leaves distraught, worried about his chances as a 31-year-old of finding love. Doesn’t he know he just has to wait till next season?
THE FIRST DATE
Ben and Ashley really seem to have a connection. All season long they have been at ease with each other, and their date (spending the day on a yacht and snorkeling- surprised?) felt comfortable. Funny moment: Ashley asks Ben to oil her down with sunscreen. Ben asks her where he should put it. She says everywhere. Wow– Someone’s looking forward to the fantasy suite!
At dinner, we find out that Ben wants to say I love you to Ashley, but chickens out at the last moment and instead substitutes that he is “on the way” to saying it. Cop out.
The fantasy suite card is read out loud and graciously accepted by Ben, who wipes the drool from his lips and sets off with Ashley. Much kissing follows, and the date ends with Ben carrying Ashley into the bungalow for some good old fashion…err…hang out time.
Look, it’s Rafael Nadal! No, It’s Ben again! Oh wait, it’s just Constantine (that doesn’t get old- check out the links). The resemblance is really freaky. Anyway, I’ll try to make this short. Right from the start it’s clear that Constantine is in this to have a good time and that he considers Ashley a friend (or maybe a guide) on a fantastic sightseeing tour. They go around the island in a helicopter, which makes Constantine so excited he yelps in joy and then gives Ashley…a high five? No, seriously- he gave her a high five. Let’s go to the awkward dinner. Ashley really puts Constantine on the spot, and the truth finally comes out, after a fashion. When Ashley accuses him of avoiding affection, he blurts out the following: “Things come naturally to me in relationships, you know, being a loving person, uh, doing thoughtful things for somebody, you know, holding somebody’s hand, hugging them, kissing them, those are things I do without thinking about them, like instinctively I do them…um…and I haven’t…been able to do that.” Wait…what? So Constantine instinctively shows affection (even without thinking about it!) yet somehow hasn’t shown any to Ashley. OK. Time to go, Rafa. This would fall under the category of Crap People Get Away With Saying on The Bachelorette.
After more garbled conversation (Constantine really went on a roll), it comes out that he just isn’t feeling it with Ashley, and out of respect to her declines the fantasy suite invitation, then goes further and says that it’s the end of the road for him. He then runs out of there, packs and leaves as if the island was about to sink into the pacific. Good riddance. We all knew it was coming down to Ben and J.P. anyway.
Ashley takes our last remaining New Yorker on an amazing plane ride to a tiny little private island for some fun in the sun. Although the conversation seemed a little awkward, they seemed to have a good time jumping on and making out with each other. J.P. admits (to the camera) that he is falling in love with Ashley, and looks forward to being the last man standing in Savusavu.
Funny moment: Ashley manipulating J.P. after he admits he is scared of losing the competition. She tells him she “let go of two guys,” clearly implying that he was the last one left until she breaks the news that Ryan came back, almost sending J.P. into anaphylactic shock.
Following the meal, it’s fantasy suite time for J.P., who jumps on the invite like Constantine with a free plane ticket. J.P. once more says he is in love with Ashley (to the camera) before vigorously…err…talking with her.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Predictably, Ashley gives both men roses and both accept, capping off a nice week for her, who impressed by easily shrugging off Constantine’s departure. The old Bentley-obsessed Ashley would never have been able to do that. Good for you, Ash. I’m finally getting on board with this you.
So there it is. To sum up, Fiji is very cool and I want to vacation there.
Next week: The finale! Drama ensues as Ashley’s family shows up, and her sister (who is a bizarro-goth version of Ashley) says that one man isn’t right for Ashley (ouch). Also, Ashley gets a fiancé (hopefully)! Stay tuned.
If you missed the episode, you can watch it here.