Watching reality TV cannot be good for your brain. Not only am I sure I’m actively becoming dumber by the episode, but after every installment I am left with fervent frustration at watching people even dumber than I am making, well, dumb choices. Take Bachelor Pad 2, for example. These contestants are so painfully dense that they have given birth to what I’ve dubbed the Kasey-Vienna Paradox.
1. Kasey is fundamentally unlikable (especially when compared with the other males up for elimination), for reasons ranging from his borderline stalker (and assuredly insane/creepy) behavior during his stint as a bachelor on Ali’s season; his unbearable swagger that he walks around the house with; the fact that he actually seems to genuinely like Vienna Girardi and believe her to be authentic; his propensity for using the nonsensical phrase “kicking rocks”; and his tendency to backstab anyone he comes in contact with, making his promises the equivalent of an intestinal belch.
2. Vienna is so past fundamentally unlikable I can’t think of a proper adjective; just writing about her makes me angry. She is manipulative, uncaring, selfish and unbearable and it would not be a stretch to add megalomaniacal.
SIDE POINT: After watching her on BP2 I have come to the conclusion that the downfall of her engagement with Jake Pavelka was not only predominantly her fault but was the only possible conclusion that could have resulted from their relationship. Why? Because that’s what I would believe about ANY romantic association involving Vienna. A relationship will never work when the only concern of one party is its own self-interest, and that will always be true in regard to her. But let’s get something straight: I am not saying the fault lies entirely with her. She and Jake were a bad match from the start (as she would be with almost any guy), and I am sure that at times he lost his cool (especially when interrupted). But I can’t see anyone keeping his cool while dating her.
3. Vienna and Kasey’s fraudulent disposition towards acting lovey-dovey every damn chance they get when the camera is as close could be, causing every single contestant on the show discomfort with lines ranging from “you are my forever” to “I’m still guarding and protecting your heart, baby”. Hold on…(retching noise)…wait, still gagging…let’s move on. It’s not that I don’t like the romanticism that BP can bring to the table. I just prefer it to be genuine (Ames and Jackie, where have you gone?).
4. The propensity for “power couples” to do well in BP as compared to single competitors,
All should lead to the logical conclusion of…drum roll please…Kasey and Vienna going home! (Applause all around for the deduction)
But it wouldn’t be a paradox if it ended logically.
And so, somehow, for another week, Kasey and Vienna remained as secure as Fort Knox, while remaining at the top of the “wildly unpopular” list. The BP2 house is basically a much older version of high school: One couple (Kasey and Vienna), while rude and secretly disliked, becomes popular, simply because everyone else is too scared and insecure to move against them and (the mirage of) their power, which only exists because everyone else gives it to them. Whew. That’s a lot to get off my chest.
All this begs the question: How the hell did they become the “power couple” in the first place? I don’t know why I’m trying to unravel this Gordian Knot of poor logic, but for some reason I feel the need to attempt to make sense of these people. My sister, who refuses to watch the show on principle (her loss), supplied the answer. The Bachelor Pad Equation:
No morals+ No intelligence+ Alcohol/Sex+ $250,000 up for grabs= Quality TV that should just be enjoyed, not scrutinized.
And there you have it. In the end, you either watch the show or you don’t, and let’s face it: Bachelor Pad is addictive as hell.
(Surprisingly, after much research this equation has been found to apply to almost every single reality show—with or without a prize).
Stay tuned for more Bachelor Pad news and recaps.