Dear Annie, I often have trouble interacting with women on first dates. I recently went out with one who was sweet, cute and nice. But, as usual, conversation didn’t flow easily.
She ended our date after a couple of hours, saying that she was tired. She said that it was nice to meet me. I don’t know what she thought of the date, but I felt that it could have gone smoother. I would like a second chance to show her the real me (and to get a chance to see the real her). What do I need to do in order to have a chance for a second date? Tom
Tom, You’ll never discover whether she’ll go out another date unless you ask her. Call her back within 48 to 72 hours if possible. If you wait too long, she may think that you’re unreliable or unavailable. Try to talk with an air of playful confidence. Project a friendly smile as you speak.
Create a plan based on a mutual interest that you discovered on your first date. Activities where you move around are more likely to create natural fodder for conversation. You can discuss the artwork at a street fair or museum, the plants at a garden or on an urban walk, or share your opinions of the sights on a bike ride. Keep it fun and casual.
While it’s fine to give her a couple of alternatives, for example: “Would you like to go for a bike ride in Golden Gate Park or check out the Picasso Exhibit at the de Young?” be sure not to leave it too open ended. Avoid a conversation killer such as “What do you like to do?” which may elict a circular response of, “I like doing almost anything. What do you like to do?”
For those who are shy, sitting across a table from a new date and trying to make conversation may feel awkward, while the aforementioned activities will give you the opportunity to share a common experience that you can discuss. Some people also feel more comfortable with a fairly short daytime encounter.
You are not alone in feeling awkward when you first encounter someone new—about half of the adults in the U.S. report that they are painfully shy.
If you keep first dates short, and engage in a fun, interactive activity that has potential to create conversational topics, you’re likely to create a more comfortable experience next time around.
Join me at the Foster City Recreation Center on July 24th, where I’ll be speaking about “The Most Important Things You Need to Know When You’re Dating.” I’ll be part of a team of Bay Area experts speaking at FFIT, Fearless & Savvy Woman Interactive Events on Health, Wealth and Personal Happiness. Bonus! For discounted admission, use the discount code GALL when you register for the event. I’m looking forward to meeting you there!
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For more info: San Francisco based midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with single men and women who are serious about finding lasting love. Her five step coaching program has been transforming client’s lives since 2007. Check out dating classes, events and midlife dating information at www.getalovelife.net or email [email protected]
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