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Question
Help me understand why my 15-year-old son is sneaking out to see a 20-year-old girl. It seems weird that a20-year-old wants to see a 15-year-old at 2 a.m. I snuck out when I was younger, yes, but this scenario is simply creepy. I am so tempted to go to her house and introduce myself.
Answer
Your 15-year-old son is sneaking out to see a 20-year-old woman (definitely not a girl) because that woman gives him something his 15-year-old friends will not.
Yes, it’s creepy. And the woman’s motivation is more difficult to assess than that of a hormone-driven teenage boy.
However, confronting this woman probably won’t do anything. She knows the boy has a mother, and if she has even half a brain, she knows that mother does not approve of the boy’s actions. Picking a fight often sounds like a good idea, but in this case it probably won’t solve anything.
To address this problem, target the only point you can reach – your son. The fact that you used to sneak out – particularly if your son knows the history – robs you of both credibility and moral authority. But as the parent, it still falls to you to prevent your son from starting trouble he’s not mature enough to handle. And I guarantee you, he’s not mature enough to handle a 20-year-old sufficiently brazen and disrespectful to entice a teenage boy to sneak out of the house at 2 a.m.
Tell your son you know about his conduct, then instruct him to stop. If he won’t, ramp up the punishments until he does. Ground, restrict privileges, assign extra chores or homework. Whatever it takes to get the boy to change his ways.
If traditional punishments don’t work, call the police. Yes, your son will be embarrassed, and he could even get in trouble for violating curfew, if your city has one. But these trysts will qualify as statutory rape in most jurisdictions.
If you’re prone to pray, I suggest you start using that weapon as well.
Question
My baby’s father is an on-and-off weed smoker. It’s hard to get money from him to cover purchases for the baby. He works away from home a lot, stays out all weekend, and spends most of his free time asleep. He can get violent, and he has threatened suicide when he doesn’t get his own way. I’m scared he’ll hurt my baby. Are my concerns good enough reasons to deny him access to the child?
Answer
On the surface, your reasons sound quite good. But it’s not entirely your call. Does this man have court-ordered custody or visitation rights? If so, you can’t unilaterally keep him away without court intervention. You’re not asking about parenting, or even ethics. This is a legal issue, and only a good lawyer can give you the advice you require.
If you have a custody or support agreement and you trust the lawyer who drew it up, talk to that lawyer. If the attorney represented the baby’s father, or jointly represented both of you, hire your own lawyer, someone who can serve as an advocate for you without any conflicts of interest.
Beyond suggesting that you seek legal counsel, I can’t give you any advice on how to handle this matter. But I will close with a warning: Any legal advice you receive from a nonlawyer is probably worth less than the air needed to utter said advice. You wouldn’t hire an accountant to unstop your toilet or an auto mechanic to bake a wedding cake, so don’t rush to seek legal advice from people without law degrees.
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