So everybody knows what a joke the VMAs really are. It’s not about the music. It’s not even really about the music videos. It’s a sad little event showcasing the fans of Justin Bieber and whatever poppy bandwagon artist is out there. The winners are so predictable that it’s downright absurd, nothing but trendy music and MTV royalty. What we do look forward to is the outrageous performances, loud outfits, and crazy moments. So without further ado, I give you the 2011 VMA Highlights…
Most Interesting Way to Use the Stage: Kanye & Jigga’s “Otis” – I’m not crazy about the song but I loved their entrance. Strong, powerful, yet simple– just Jigga and Kanye doing what they do. How about that stage though!? Not to be totally gross but those curvy, triangular arches with the lights totally reminded me of a really big vag—maybe it’s the whole big Beyonce reveal… speaking of which–
Most Inspiring Performance: Beyonce – Ooooh girl, you had me crying dammit! I. Am. So. Happy. For you and Jigga! Seeing his evident pride in watching his missus perform with such passion and palpable joy… I’m not gonna lie… I was totally singing along to “Love on Top” and then I went apeshit when you revealed your baby bump—even though I already knew you were preggo! Best moment of the night by far!
Most Overhyped Moment: Britney Spears Receives Video Vanguard Award – I felt so robbed. I was under the impression that famous people would actually perform her songs—not just unknown dancers and little kids. Wacccckkk!
Most Creative Presenters: Beastie Boys “from the future” – Will Farrell, Jack Black, and Seth Rogan really do make good versions of what the Beastie Boys look like (even now)! I think their talents could have been used more but its still pretty cool MTV was able to get them at all.
Most Boring Celeb – This was a close one between the Biebz and Katie Holmes. (Katie had the most confused “what the hell am I doing here” look during Pitbull’s performance). But geez Justin Bieber… you’re the king of the frickin world. Would it kill you to look like you’re having a teensy bit of fun!? After all, this is the kind of awards show that totally caters to you and your fans. You got your girl at your side, you accepted an award from Kim K, and yet you sit there like an old man needing a bedpan. P.S. Those glasses don’t make you look intelligent or serious. You look like a douche.
Most Original Presenter/Celeb/Character/Person: Joe Calderone AKA Lady Gaga – Dayum, I love me some Gaga. Kudos to the VMAs for showcasing her talented theatre background and brilliant stage presence. Not once did she break the fourth wall even with all those screaming fans. Her intensity was always convincing and intact, not missing a beat between presenting awards and sharing drinks with the likes of Tony Bennett. From the beginning of her monologue to the dance choreography to her piano-playing skills, she always stayed in character. True showmanship.